Allow me to introduce myself...

What do you say to start a blog? How do you really capture who you are and why you are writing this in a few short, interesting words? Hmm...

Well, the first thing you should know is I don't ever have just a few short words. In 2 1/2 years of diary writing on iParenting's breastfeed.com, I have never managed an entry that was less than 3 paragraphs. 2 pages was much more likely. Or more. You can go back and see for yourself if you are interested, or you can take my word for it. But no matter how many times I start out with, "I'm just stopping by to post a quick entry..." DO NOT FALL FOR IT! You might as well go to the bathroom, give the kids some snacks to appease them, and settle in with that cup of coffee. 

I am a stay-at-home mama to two kids, Aden and Lily. I am a devoted and mostly loving wife to Derek, who has been my husband for nearly 5 years now and has been my partner for almost 8 amazing years. We live in an old house constantly surrounded by unfinished projects, loving our life and feeling rich in the things that matter but struggling to pay the bills without compromising our values. I am traveling down the path of natural family living and intuitive or attachment parenting while learning to ignore those remaining subconscious echoes of mainstream society. I am most at home with my friends from our local Attachment Parenting and La Leche League groups but am also the president of my Beta Sigma Phi chapter (a sometimes stuffy women's social sorority), a representative for that group's citywide council, and a friend to many decidedly uncrunchy people. In my daily life I feel like I often slip from role to role: now I am "with-it suburban mom," then I am "laid back natural mama;" now I am "organized know-everything president," then I am "inexperienced and uncertain worrywart."

What else? Well, I am a chronic night owl so I can almost guarantee that I will write entries extremely late at night when all of the sane people are sleeping. Either that or I'll write them during the day when both of my children are whining for my attention and I'm trying valiantly to ignore them. Or better yet, I'll start it late at night, fall asleep only to be awoken shortly thereafter by my daughter demanding the opening of the midnight breastmilk buffet, wake up bright and early when my son comes bouncing in, be tired and grumpy even after 2 cups of coffee, and then snap at my children while ignoring them in order to finish the entry. Wait, did I say I was devoted to attachment parenting? *sigh* See, sometimes I feel like I am failing miserably. And there you have it, my first secret:

No matter how much it looks like I've got all of my shit together, I generally feel like I am struggling to get the most basic things accomplished.

I feel like I am getting closer and closer to the real me, the person who will be entirely comfortable in her own skin and live proudly by her own values. At the same time, I feel like I am right on the edge and could lose it at any time. There is so much to do and no way to get it all done, and I am not always certain why it is all important and why I want to get it all done at all. Who am I doing all of this for anyway? Through this struggle, I am learning about what I really believe and what is really important to me... and also having to face the difficult truth that life doesn't begin once you have reached some magical point of perfection. Life has already begun, and sometimes a difficult journey is part of it, but you'd better catch up and start living it anyway. Hopefully I can share that journey, and many more light-hearted moments too!